It all started one foggy Christmas Eve when I was delivering the presents as I normally do. I was bending down to put a child’s bike under the tree and ‘wham’, Holy night, I felt a pain like an icicle stabbing through my back. The next day it was throbbing like Rudolph’s nose and it’s just snowballed with time.
It’s not just the pain. It’s also the pine needles, sorry, pins and needles causing me issues. It’s in a stocking distribution. The doc said it’s due to my weight and all those mince pies I eat. I told him to behave or he’ll be on the naughty list.
I feel like my back is stuffed, just like the turkey on the table. I haven’t had a silent night’s sleep since it happened. The weather’s what makes it worse, especially in the rain dear.
I’ve resorted to the bottle over the years. At least once per year I can drink a couple of hundred bottles of sherry.
It’s also affected my relations with Mrs Claus. I’ve not been able to perform ‘in the sack’ if you catch my snow drift.
So far I’ve seen 5 surgeons fixing, 4 physios fiddlin, 3 therapists thinking, 2 chiros cracking and a GP who gave me more drugs.